Marriage Breakdown with Threats of Separation & Divorce
Why couples counseling? Communications breakdowns between partners may lead to troubled and failing marriages and committed partnerships. Often it begins with the partners taking their love for granted. When this happens, husbands and wives quit doing the romantic niceties they did for each other prior to committing exclusively to each other or getting married. Women and men take on the role of parents and abandon their first role as romantic partners.
Is Your Relationship Suffering from Conflict, Infidelity, Miscommunications or Loss of Intimacy?
With the loss of romance, other problems often develop. Sexual intimacy decreases, both in frequency and in variety. Sometimes marriages become low-sex or sexless, leading to the real problem of men and woman outside of their marriage becoming attractive. This can lead to forms of infidelity including inappropriate emotional attraction to others that may take the form of texting, chatting or instant messaging and overuse of pornography. One or both members of the couple have now gone to the place of extreme “inside distance, outside intimacy.” As it gets worse, one or both actually have affairs. Loss of trust can result.
Signs that Your Romantic Relationship is Breaking Down
Whether infidelity in some form has or has not yet happened, signs that the relationship is in trouble will be hurtful arguing that includes criticism, sarcasm, belittling and even contempt, as seen in “eye rolling.” Commonly, one or both unhappy partners will go passive, refusing to engage including the hurtful “silent treatment.” Parenting disagreements that never seem to get solved are also common. uncooperativeness, with each other or with children, can be part of the way the relationship breaks down. Is your marriage on life support?
Common Couples Counseling Questions
Neutrality of the Counselor
A common concern faced by those who seek out a counselor for help with their relationship is trusting in the neutrality of the counselor. This concern may raise questions such as:
- Will a male counselor overly identify with husbands/male partners?
- Will a female counselor overly identify with wives/female partners?
- Could the counselor take sides rather than staying complete neutral?
In couples counseling, professional counselors see the relationship as the client and endeavor to stay fair, neutral and balanced.
3 Perspectives of Couples at the Start of Marriage Counseling
When people seek out counseling for a relationship that is in trouble, one or both partners begin with one of these perspectives:
- “I very much want to mend our relationship and stay together. Even though there are hurt and confusion, I hope to heal that hurt and learn to communicate in ways that make us strong again as a couple. That is what I wish for through couples counseling.”
- “I am uncertain if we can mend our relationship and stay together or not. I hope to discover much more about what led us to this place in our relationship, and what makes sense for us going forward. Couples counseling will let us both know if it is possible for us to heal our relationship and stay together long-term.”
- “I don’t believe that couples counseling will result in us staying together. It is not my desire at this time to continue the relationship. I will engage in couples counseling to navigate this complicated and emotionally painful change so that my partner and I can form separate lives, in terms of our relationship, while still doing our best to cooperate in the future to co-parent children, be civil at family events, and communicate respectfully.”
Want Your Marriage or Romantic Relationship to Stay Alive? Begin Couples Counseling Now
We help you to resolve communications challenges, which may have led to difficulties in your marriage or other significant relationship. If your primary relationship is troubled, don’t wait to reach out for professional help. The earlier you and your partner seek counseling, the less likely it is for further hurt, disappointment and overwhelming levels of stress to further damage your relationship. Gaining the communications tools and insights needed to mend relationships is what we seek to accomplish in counseling.
Richard Chandler, MA, LPC, Couples Counselor, Will Provide Insight, but Won’t Decide for You
Even if you are facing extreme challenges, such as infidelity, extreme financial stress or a loss of intimacy, there can be a fresh start and a return to more open communication and perhaps even to a place of closeness. Whatever the outcome of couples counseling, you and your partner will gain a good deal of insight, which will serve you both for the rest of your lives. Please note: I will not advise you to break up. I won’t advise you to stay together either. In counseling, you are empowered to decide. My role is to help you gain clarity on your own thoughts, feelings and wants as well as clarity about your relationship.
Please email, text or call at 320-223-9481 and we can briefly talk about your situation. After our initial no-cost conversation, we will both know if it makes sense for us to work together to better things for you. If we it would be better for you to work with another counselor we will do our best to help you find one who is better suited to you and your situation.
All Couples Welcome
Our counseling clients include engaged, unmarried, gay, lesbian transgender, and queer couples. We also work with African-American and all other non-caucasian multicultural couples.
Insurance Does Not Cover Couples and Marriage Counseling
The reason insurance Does Not Cover Couples and Marriage Counseling is because trouble in your relationship is not a mental illness. Insurance, including government coverage, only covers diagnosable mental illnesses. Even though you must pay on your own, for most people counseling to help your relationship is still much less costly than ending your relationship. If after counseling your marriage still ends, what you gain in your ability to communicate more skillfully with each other could save you in attorney fees.
We have reasonable rates and a sliding fee scale. We offer a complimentary consult by phone to answer your questions. Just email, text or call us at 320-223-9481