Facing Marriage Breakdown and Threats of Separation & Divorce.
Why Marriage Therapy Couples Counseling? Communications breakdowns between partners may lead to troubled and failing marriages and committed partnerships. Often it begins with the partners taking their love for granted. When this happens, husbands and wives quit doing the romantic niceties they did for each other before committing exclusively to each other or getting married. Too often, what I see in therapy with my St. Cloud, MN area couples’ counseling practice is that clients have too wholly taken on their role as parents and abandoned the position that got them together in the first, their role as lovers, romantic partners, and sex partners.
Is Your Relationship Suffering from Conflict, Infidelity, Miscommunications or Loss of Intimacy?
With the loss of romance, other problems often develop. Sexual intimacy decreases, both in frequency and in variety. Sometimes marriages become low-sex or sexless, leading to the real issue of men and woman outside of their marriage growing attractive. Moreover, this can lead to forms of infidelity including inappropriate emotional attraction to others that may take the form of texting, chatting or instant messaging and overuse of pornography. One or both members of the couple have now gone to the place of extreme “inside distance, outside intimacy.” As the love relationship deteriorates, the risk increases for one or both to have affairs. Loss of trust can result.
Is Your Marriage on Life Support?
Here are signs that your romantic relationship is breaking down. Whether infidelity in some form has or has not yet happened, symptoms that a partnership is in trouble include hurtful arguing, frequent criticism, sarcasm, belittling and even contempt, as seen in “eye rolling.” There may be an increase in arguing. Commonly, one or both unhappy partners will go passive, refusing to engage including the hurtful “silent treatment.” Parenting disagreements that never seem to get solved are also commonplace. Uncooperativeness, with each other or with children, can be part of the way the relationship breaks down.
Should I Even Try to Save My Marriage? Will it End in Separation & Divorce Even with Therapy?
Many of my St. Cloud couples and marriage counseling clients start off feeling little hope of saving their marriages. One, or both partners, might feel so sad and hurt that they question whether they have the interest or energy to even try. My experience is working with Central Minnesota marriage therapy clients is that even married couples that begin therapy under very difficult conditions, such as after an affair is discovered, can and do put their committed relationship with their mate back on track. Not that it is easy… but it is an opportunity for growth. If the couple also has children, they have a lot to gain in learning to cooperate with each other so they can be good parents even if their romantic partnership doesn’t survive and the marriage ends in separation and divorce.
3 Common Life Challenges that put Stress on Your Marriage
- Mental overload from work and career, working too many hours and bringing one’s job stress home often happens. And it can contribute significantly, straining your couple’s’relationship.
- Difficulties with in-laws, which has the effect of putting the blood relative in the middle of the conflict. If one side or the other is chosen, either one’s original family or one’s spouse will be upset, even feeling betrayed.
- Parenting styles that differ so much that the two of you are not a united front when co-parenting your children. Talking through and making joint decisions to improve these 3 areas are critical to putting your romantic partnership back on track. Therefore, a marriage counselor is likely to encourage you to address these and other areas of disagreement as part of marriage counseling.
The Perspective Each Marriage Partner Holds When Beginning Couples’ Counseling in my St. Cloud, MN Practice
There are signs that your romantic relationship is breaking down and could benefit from couples counseling. Whether infidelity in some form has or has not yet happened, symptoms that a partnership is in trouble include hurtful arguing, frequent criticism, sarcasm, belittling and even contempt, as seen in “eye rolling.” There may be an increase in arguing. Commonly, one or both unhappy partners will go passive, refusing to engage including the hurtful “silent treatment.” Parenting disagreements that never seem to get solved are also commonplace. Uncooperativeness, with each other or with children, can be part of the way the relationship breaks down.
Will My Marriage Therapy Counselor Stay Neutral or Take Sides?
In marriage therapy couples counseling, professional couples counselors see the relationship as the client and endeavor to stay fair, neutral and balanced. A common concern faced by those who seek out a St. Cloud couples therapy counselor for help with their relationship is trusting the therapist will stay neutral and not take sides. This concern may raise questions such as:
- Will a male counselor overly identify with husbands/male partners?
- Will a female counselor overly identify with wives/female partners?
- Could the counselor take sides rather than staying complete neutral?
Why You May Wish to Begin Couples’ Counseling in St. Cloud, MN
We help you to resolve communications challenges, which may have led to difficulties in your marriage or other significant relationship. If your primary relationship is troubled, don’t wait to reach out for professional help. The earlier you and your partner seek counseling, the less likely it is for further hurt, disappointment and overwhelming levels of stress to further damage your relationship. In addition to beginning marriage therapy right away, you both increase understanding and empathy for each other by trying out some of these 9 ways to improve your love relationship.
The 5 Best Reasons to Begin Marriage Counseling Now
- The simple act of committing to marriage therapy and showing up for your sessions shows you and your partner that you both are willing to take steps to make things better. The act of showing up in my St. Cloud, MN couples counseling practice proves that you care about each other and your marriage
- With your first session, you and your husband or wife will learn insights and communications tools to begin mending your relationship
- You will grow personally, as well as a couple. For your relationship to get better, you and your partner must do things differently. It makes sense to take a hard look at your thinking and behavior and not just blame your partner
- In the first session, I ask couples clients in my St. Cloud counseling office to promise each other that there will be no sudden exits. If one of you decides that you want out of the relationship, you will do so thoughtfully and deliberately rather than as a result of an emotional blowup. With this commitment to each other, both of you can relax more into the process of trying out new ways of relating that you will learn in marriage therapy
- You have the opportunity to lessen the intensity of heartbreak and pain that you and your mate are presently experiencing
Richard Chandler, MA, LPC, Couples Counselor, Will Provide Insight, but Won’t Decide for You
Even if you are facing extreme challenges, such as infidelity, extreme financial stress or a loss of intimacy, there can be a fresh start and a return to more open communication and perhaps even to a place of closeness. Whatever the outcome of couples counseling, you and your partner will gain a good deal of insight, which will serve you both for the rest of your lives. Please note: I will not advise you to break up. I won’t advise you to stay together either. In couples’ counseling in St. Cloud, MN with Chandler Counseling & Consulting, you are empowered to decide. My role is to help you gain clarity on your own thoughts, feelings and wants as well as clarity about your relationship.
Please email, text or call at 320-223-9481 and we can briefly talk about your situation. After our initial no-cost conversation, we will both know if it makes sense for us to work together to better things for you. If we it would be better for you to work with another counselor we will do our best to help you find one who is better suited to you and your situation.
All Marriage Partners & Significant Other Couples Welcome
Our counseling clients include engaged, unmarried, gay, lesbian transgender, and queer couples. We also work with African-American and all other non-caucasian couples. What I have discovered by working with multicultural couples in my St. Cloud couples counseling practice is that while their ethnicity could be a factor, it is more often a minor one. The significant factors in couples breakdown, along with what gets romantic partners back to a better relationship, has less to do with gender, ethnicity or culture. In counseling, we encourage you to “take on” the perspective of your spouse or significant other. For that purpose, I wrote 4 helpful couples communication tips on perspective.
Why Insurance Doesn’t Cover Couples & Marriage Counseling
The reason insurance Does Not Cover Couples and Marriage Counseling is because trouble in your relationship is not a mental illness. Insurance, including government coverage, only covers diagnosable mental illnesses. Even though you must pay on your own, counseling to help your relationship is still much less costly than ending your relationship. If despite counseling your marriage ends, what you gain in your ability to communicate more skillfully with each other could save you in attorney fees and make it easier to co-parent and attend essential functions.
We have reasonable rates and a sliding fee scale. We offer a complimentary consult by phone to answer your questions. Just email, text or call us at 320-223-9481. Note: We welcome and have experience in couples counseling with LGBTQ clients.